Truth in Advertising: “A Really Cheap Porn Movie!”

Posted on November 14th, 2008 in Adult Movies, Amateur, Porn Thoughts by Gram

There should be a word for for a movie title that doubles as a review (Jennifer Lopez’ “Enough” comes to mind). But NPO’s “A Really Cheap Porn Movie!” is refreshingly self-deprecating if one starts with the premise that all porn is overhyped. It’s wonderful when one starts with low expectations and finishes (literally) with the idea that “this has successfully appealed to my need for low expectations.”

Director Craig Valentine makes no bones about not having the money or the interest in making something “good,” so he just films Ron Jeremy and a bunch of Florida-based nymphettes, some bonehead named Jimmy (he wears his swimming goggles through his scene and you know he thinks he looks cool in them), Brianna Beach, and Summer Haze canoodling.

The plot is that there is no plot. The bad camerawork is instantly explained away by the title. We are left with the type of movie that is the perfect thing to watch if you have never, ever seen a porn movie before, because once you’ve seen a second porn movie, something like this looks, by comparison, like it just didn’t try hard enough, which it didn’t. But it’s a good movie nonetheless - it’s just a little disconcerting because it doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

Watch “A Really Cheap Porn Movie” now.




Popularity: 27% [?]

Paging Dr. Simone (who is banging Lena Ramon)

Posted on November 14th, 2008 in Adult Movies, Fetish, Masturbation by Gram

“It’s like I’m trying to study,” Zenova Braden says to her therapist, Julie Simone, “and they’re all moaning and masturbating. I can’t take it anymore!”

Thus begins “Julie Simone’s Sex Addicts,” in which Simone, who last year relocated from Los Angeles and now lives in Missouri, must apply negative conditioning and aversion therapy in order to curb the lustful thoughts of Braeden’s filthy roommates.

This reminds me of a better-executed Jim Holliday movie, in which a demented but complex story is pulled off by game pornstresses. In the case of “Sex Addicts,” Lena Ramon and Ariel X, who play the reconditioned roommates.

As you can imagine, the therapy was never really meant to work. Clothespins, hot wax, and electric zapping don’t seem to help. I’d ask to see Dr. Simone’s medical credentials, but who’d listen? I don’t have boobs.

Watch “Julie Simone’s Sex Addicts” now.



Popularity: 24% [?]