More Celebrity Fuckery

Posted on January 20th, 2009 in Celebrity Porn by P. Weasels

Kelli McCarty, Miss USA 1991, is scheduled to appear in a Vivid title called Faithless.

Does an 18-year-old pageant title entitle one to celebrity status? Maybe yes, maybe no. Should it be a big deal if the celebrity in question has already been in a number of softcore films and bared her all to the world already? I say no, but still – Kelli McCarty is kind of hot. Even if she gets lost in the crowd – there are a lot of MILFs out there making porn – I’ll check her out. Maybe she’ll be a revelation of some kind.

Kelli McCarty

Here are her boobs.

Kelli McCarty

Again with the Palins, and perhaps never again

Posted on November 3rd, 2008 in Celebrity Porn,Hardcore,MILF by admin

raquel devine

I got to meet the resurgent Raquel Devine on the set of Adultspoof.com’s “Erection 2008,” the second (and, with luck, the last) Sarah Palin porn to be released just under the wire of the 2008 presidential election. And this is enough for me for, while I am happy that Lisa Ann (of Hustler’s “Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?”) and the delicious Devine got some extra work and more recognition than normally reserved for cougar movies, I am really hoping the marketability of Sarah Palin as a porn spoof object goes way down after tomorrow. Don’t you?

But Palin was such an easy target for comedy and pornography, some people might be sad if she goes away. Those people are the real terrorists.

Because I believe in America. And even if Saturday Night Live experienced a resurgence on the heels of the Alaska governor’s unlikely entrance on the national scene, and even if Hustler became talked about in the first significant way since Larry Flynt’s fights with Jerry Falwell, I am sure that, together, we can find more things to make porn about. And Yes, we will laugh again.

Visit “Erection 2008

Max Hardcore’s derailed Straight Down the Throat Express

Posted on October 23rd, 2008 in Celebrity Porn,Hardcore by Gram

mccain hardcore 08

Often enough, a porn performer will arrive at a filming location with her little airplane bag fulll of underpants and hair extensions and then be handed a script.

“Half the time I’d walk on a set I’d have no idea what the movie was or that it had dialogue,” Ava Rose once told me. “I only knew it would be a girl or a guy and I’d know what I’d be making for the scene.”

And, because performers’ legs spend so much time in the air in the porn industry, it is easy to believe that schedules are up in the air, too, and oftentimes a cast list can go kerblooey from one day to the next.

So it was that I was told Tuesday that Max Hardcore and Ginger Lynn would be playing John and Cindy McCain in a new Sarah Palin porno being shot in Porn Valley. “Amazing,” I said, America’s Beloved Porn Journalist. “Now that’s news.”

I rescheduled appointments so I could attend this blessed event. The next day I was told that the characters who were to play Palin, the McCains, and two or three other people in their entourage had all been recast in the space of 48 hours due to various porn fuckups.

“Max neglected to tell us that he had a court date on the shooting day,” someone connected with the production told me, which makes no sense to me. But relying on whether or not something makes sense is a foolish measure in the porn business.

It reminds me of other Might Have Been moments, like Buddy Ebsen as the original choice to play George Bailey in “It’s A Wonderful Life.”

Yes, exactly like that.

Stormy Daniels Wins Hearts And Minds

Posted on September 9th, 2008 in Boobs,Celebrity Porn,GameLink,Hardcore,MILF,Porn Movies,Porn People,Porn Thoughts by Gram

stormy

A non-pornish officemate recently told me how Stormy Daniels had brought harmony to his relationship.

“Remember how you let me borrow that copy of ‘The One’?” he said.

“Yes.” (He’d asked if I had anything in the porn library that he could show his girlfriend, and the couples’-friendly Stormy movie came quickly to mind.)

“Well, last night a bunch of us were playing Marry, Boff, or Kill, and Stormy did pretty well.”

I’d learned the game as Marry, Fuck, or Kill, in which participants would throw out a celebrity name and declare if they would rather marry, fuck, or kill her (or him). Perhaps I’d learned the game with “fuck” instead of “boff” because I‘d grown up on the streets.

“The other two people were Britney Spears or Paris Hilton,” he said, saying that he’d played the game with his girlfriend and two other couples. “Two of us said we’d marry Stormy Daniels and I said I’d boff Stormy but marry Britney.”

“Why would you marry Britney Spears?” I asked.

“It would be over in a short time and I’d make sure to get a good settlement,” he said. “I’m young. I can withstand that.”

“So that means – “

“Yeah, everybody wanted Paris Hilton dead.”

Download “The One” here.
Buy “The One” here.

Well, if Chocoball Mukai is in it, it has to be good

Posted on July 2nd, 2008 in Celebrity Porn by Gram

chocoball and rika 1

I am a fan of the company Third World Media, which casts mostly unknown first-timers from other countries in exceedingly niche-centric movies. For example, today we have “Hardcore Workout,” which appeals to fans of exercise equipment, native Japanese women, and pro wrestling.

Now I have no idea who Chocoball Mukai is and why Japan’s proud tradition of shame isn’t overshadowing his alleged wrestling career, nor have I ever heard of his scene partner, Rika Kitano, but their Olivia Newton John-era setup of a pretty massage therapist working out the “stiffness” in her client is classic, especially when he complains about the pain in his “groins.”

chocoball and rika 2

An appreciation of foreign-made porn that must conform to the standards of an American audience but which still retains the flavor of the originating country is a delicious part of a nutritious adult entertainment diet.

Buy “Hardcore Workout” here.