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“It’s like I’m trying to study,” Zenova Braden says to her therapist, Julie Simone, “and they’re all moaning and masturbating. I can’t take it anymore!”
Thus begins “Julie Simone’s Sex Addicts,” in which Simone, who last year relocated from Los Angeles and now lives in Missouri, must apply negative conditioning and aversion therapy in order to curb the lustful thoughts of Braeden’s filthy roommates.
This reminds me of a better-executed Jim Holliday movie, in which a demented but complex story is pulled off by game pornstresses. In the case of “Sex Addicts,” Lena Ramon and Ariel X, who play the reconditioned roommates.
As you can imagine, the therapy was never really meant to work. Clothespins, hot wax, and electric zapping don’t seem to help. I’d ask to see Dr. Simone’s medical credentials, but who’d listen? I don’t have boobs.
Watch “Julie Simone’s Sex Addicts” now.
Popularity: 24% [?]
The company that brought you “Japanese Whale Hunt” is scaling down to the noble clam. Third World Media’s “Hairless Asian Clams” is, like its mammalian counterpart, marine in title only. It also begs the zen question “Is a clam a clam when there’s hair on it?” I am not old enough to remember when it was the style for women to have pubic hair beyond a landing strip, but it is my impression that only when a vagina is shaved does it become a clam. Am I right?
A memory stirs of the term “bearded clam.” Is that a vagina or is that a vagina that is shaved a certain way? And who will teach me Japanese fast enough so that I can ask Haruna Sakurai myself?
Watch “Hairless Asian Clams“
Popularity: 26% [?]
So I was watching JM Productions’ “Muffin Tops” the other day when I skipped to see the DVD extras, which happened to include several Haley Paige scenes. The late Paige was very lovely, and it’s a strange function of the business of porn that a consumer might find this sort of Easter Egg.
As you know, no porn performer gets residuals and the contract he or she signs prior to filming rids them of any right to to the material they’re about to shoot (or get shot on them, ha ha). So director Jim Powers, owning the images he shot of Paige in 2005, had every right to include four Paige scenes - incongruous as they were to the theme of “Muffin Tops” - in his movie. So it was a pleasant surprise.
Paige, born Maryam Haley, died tragically [see article here]. Her father, Ken, had only recently become aware of her porn career a few months prior to her death. Stranger than her four scenes showing up in “Muffin Tops” (Paige was lithe), is the participation of Ken on various adult blogs as he tries to get to know her posthumously.
He sent me this letter:
Gram,
Thank you for the tribute to my daughter and for your kind sentiments. I appreciate that you have dignified her life and her career by bringing out her sweetness. As you can imagine, I haven’t come to grips with her being an adult star, she is still my best friend and most cherished soul. My discussions on the Bastardly may seem a bit odd to most readers, but I have felt her warmth and strength as I write about her on that forum. She may become better known in death than in life. At least I want her fans and those who are curious about her to know the delightful human being she was, and how valuable her innocence and tenderness were as a woman barely out of girlhood. I talk about her as I often talked to her, with honesty and frankness, yet dignity and respect.
Regarding the details of her passing, as far as her mother and I am aware, the autopsy report indicated no direct cause of death. There were no drugs in her system that would normally provoke a life-threatening condition, so the conclusion is wrapped in mystery. Also, the report indicated no needle marks and no heroin in her system, and no sign of trauma. Her final hours are buried with her and Chico. It’s a bit frustrating to leave it at that, but it gives us the opportunity to think more about her life than her death.
Thank you for your thoughts and wishes.
Ken
It’s a weird business.
Popularity: 22% [?]
Now and then someone comes along whose choice of porn name is just perfect (and Courtney Cummz, G-d Bless Her, is not one of them). Mia Freak is such a person.
She doesn’t look like a porn star, really, but she does look like someone who, if you saw her behind a teller window or at In-n-Out, you would immediately think, “I bet she is a freak.”
And this is a wonderful thing about Mia Freak because, even though she does not have that particular “look” common to many porn performers, there is something twice as frank about the way she carries herself, and that makes all the difference. When your porn star girlfriend has lost interest and has begun texting and picking at her face, you can be assured that Mia Freak is still on for the “Cream Pie Blowout” or anything you or your Kiwanis lodge might have in store.
Watch “Cream Pie Blowout 4″
Buy “Cream Pie Blowout 4″
Popularity: 23% [?]
The Porno-Industrial Complex would have you believe that women go for the anal to the blowjob position seamlessly, like those vampires move in “True Blood.” One moment they’re in reverse cowgirl on a bed and the next they’ve flash-cut to fellatio on the couch (which is also the name of the lounge I’m opening at my local Holiday Inn).
But for some reason I find it much more interesting to watch the performer (in this case, the delightful Annette Schwarz in Digital Playground’s “Stoya: Deeper 11″) leap from one position to another, the transition caught in real time.
Sweat glistens, muscles contort, heretofore unglimpsed folds of skin manifest themselves. And that’s just me.
Watch “Stoya: Deeper 11″ here.
Popularity: 21% [?]
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