So I was watching JM Productions’ “Muffin Tops” the other day when I skipped to see the DVD extras, which happened to include several Haley Paige scenes. The late Paige was very lovely, and it’s a strange function of the business of porn that a consumer might find this sort of Easter Egg.

As you know, no porn performer gets residuals and the contract he or she signs prior to filming rids them of any right to to the material they’re about to shoot (or get shot on them, ha ha). So director Jim Powers, owning the images he shot of Paige in 2005, had every right to include four Paige scenes - incongruous as they were to the theme of “Muffin Tops” - in his movie. So it was a pleasant surprise.

Paige, born Maryam Haley, died tragically [see article here]. Her father, Ken, had only recently become aware of her porn career a few months prior to her death. Stranger than her four scenes showing up in “Muffin Tops” (Paige was lithe), is the participation of Ken on various adult blogs as he tries to get to know her posthumously.

He sent me this letter:

Gram,

Thank you for the tribute to my daughter and for your kind sentiments. I appreciate that you have dignified her life and her career by bringing out her sweetness. As you can imagine, I haven’t come to grips with her being an adult star, she is still my best friend and most cherished soul. My discussions on the Bastardly may seem a bit odd to most readers, but I have felt her warmth and strength as I write about her on that forum. She may become better known in death than in life. At least I want her fans and those who are curious about her to know the delightful human being she was, and how valuable her innocence and tenderness were as a woman barely out of girlhood. I talk about her as I often talked to her, with honesty and frankness, yet dignity and respect.

Regarding the details of her passing, as far as her mother and I am aware, the autopsy report indicated no direct cause of death. There were no drugs in her system that would normally provoke a life-threatening condition, so the conclusion is wrapped in mystery. Also, the report indicated no needle marks and no heroin in her system, and no sign of trauma. Her final hours are buried with her and Chico. It’s a bit frustrating to leave it at that, but it gives us the opportunity to think more about her life than her death.

Thank you for your thoughts and wishes.

Ken

It’s a weird business.

Popularity: 20% [?]

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Don’t believe the hype about “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge.” Just get the movie. It’s a keeper, and a movie that, with its precursor, occupies its own tiny niche of Blockbuster Porn. Sometimes blockbusters don’t do everything they should, but “Pirates II” does some things really well. In that way it is the porn equivalent of “Pearl Harbor”; narratively suspect, expensive, all over the place, but a technical milestone.

And the sex scenes? Excessive in just the right way. The theatrical version features some editing we don’t normally see in sex scenes - good editing. The bonus DVD features these same scenes except 20 minutes longer. It almost doesn’t seem like that would even be fun…

Here we see Teagan interviewing Jesse Jane at the premiere this weekend. Teagan starred in the first “Pirates” and is now a free agent. I never thought of her as an interviewer before, but she is very good at it. Jesse Jane, of course, is as well-spoken as Tera Patrick at these events. See? All the Digital Playground girls made good.

Watch “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge” here
Buy “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge” here
Watch “Pirates” here
Buy “Pirates” here

Popularity: 38% [?]

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Audrey Hollander is currently shooting “This Ain’t I Love Lucy” or “Not I Love Lucy XXX” (however Hustler chooses to phrase it) in Porn Valley. When pressed to identify the few actual bombshells in the porn world, Audrey Hollander leaps to mind. If only her husband Otto Bauer weren’t such a stand up guy, I would encourage you to actively hate his guts.

As you can guess, Otto is playing Desi and Audrey will inhabit the role of Lucy. I think that, of all the parodies the big companies have been churning out lately, this one is the most inspired.

The picture you are looking at is a still from an upcoming Hustler Christmas movie, but I am assured that Hollander’s hair is set in the same style for “Lucy.”

Popularity: 20% [?]

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The Porno-Industrial Complex would have you believe that women go for the anal to the blowjob position seamlessly, like those vampires move in “True Blood.” One moment they’re in reverse cowgirl on a bed and the next they’ve flash-cut to fellatio on the couch (which is also the name of the lounge I’m opening at my local Holiday Inn).

But for some reason I find it much more interesting to watch the performer (in this case, the delightful Annette Schwarz in Digital Playground’s “Stoya: Deeper 11″) leap from one position to another, the transition caught in real time.

Sweat glistens, muscles contort, heretofore unglimpsed folds of skin manifest themselves. And that’s just me.

Watch “Stoya: Deeper 11″ here.

Popularity: 20% [?]

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