No Mystery in Lindsey Meadows’ bikini

Posted on February 24th, 2009 in Amateur,Porn Movies by Gram

Lindsey Meadows
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“I don’t have a lot of material,” says the delightful Lindsey Meadows in Bikini Pick Ups, an Adam & Eve movie shot guerilla-style like a Pink Visual movie. “But I can get another one if you need more coverage.”

Oh, no no no, Lindsey. That’ll do.

Oddly enough, I was talking to Meadows’ BFF, Ryder Skye, just yesterday about bikinis. Skye worked in a bikini bar called Cheetah’s in Los Angeles.

“Why would anyone go to a bikini bar?” I asked.

“They like the mystery,” Skye said.

I don’t understand people. You take the mystery. I like full insertion.

Anyway, Meadows is approached by Van Damage as she sunbathes on the beach. She seems game, her intoxicating late-night DJ voice gamely repeating his “bikini model” scheme back to him.

“75 bucks, huh?” she says. “Guess I gotta start somewhere.”

Well, they get her back to their studio, and it’s always a little bit weird – even in a movie where you know it’s all staged – to see the eager bikini model/actress/ingenue coaxed out of her clothes. But Meadows makes it easy.

Lindsey Meadows

Seeing Damage’s semi-choad in his pants, she says, “Did you grow that for me?”

I love, love, love Lindsey Meadows now, but it really was conditional on her taking the bikini off.

Truth in Advertising: “A Really Cheap Porn Movie!”

Posted on November 14th, 2008 in Amateur,Porn Thoughts by Gram

There should be a word for for a movie title that doubles as a review (Jennifer Lopez’ “Enough” comes to mind). But NPO’s “A Really Cheap Porn Movie!” is refreshingly self-deprecating if one starts with the premise that all porn is overhyped. It’s wonderful when one starts with low expectations and finishes (literally) with the idea that “this has successfully appealed to my need for low expectations.”

Director Craig Valentine makes no bones about not having the money or the interest in making something “good,” so he just films Ron Jeremy and a bunch of Florida-based nymphettes, some bonehead named Jimmy (he wears his swimming goggles through his scene and you know he thinks he looks cool in them), Brianna Beach, and Summer Haze canoodling.

The plot is that there is no plot. The bad camerawork is instantly explained away by the title. We are left with the type of movie that is the perfect thing to watch if you have never, ever seen a porn movie before, because once you’ve seen a second porn movie, something like this looks, by comparison, like it just didn’t try hard enough, which it didn’t. But it’s a good movie nonetheless – it’s just a little disconcerting because it doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

Watch “A Really Cheap Porn Movie” now.

Someday She’ll Be In Real Porn…

Posted on September 11th, 2008 in Amateur,Porn Movies by P. Weasels

Having recently reviewed Bubba Raw #1, I can tell you that if you’re going to watch it at all, you should be watching it for the brief but eventful sequences starring Akira, referred to most often as the ‘show whore‘ (mostly by guys who also toss around epithets like ‘faggot’ and ‘pussy’ pretty breezily).

Seemingly a pretty dirty girl, she gets choked out by an MMA guy and does a striptease on a pole in the softcore behind-the-scenes DVD from “one of the hottest stars of satellite radio” (feel free to weigh that one for yourself). She deserves better than those guys – here’s hoping someone in porn notices her and we see a lot more of her.


(Photo courtesy of her website, AkiraNYC.com)

When I think about you, I Film Myself

Posted on August 18th, 2008 in Amateur,Boobs,Masturbation,Penny Flame,Porn News,Porn People by Gram

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Some people think that drama follows porn stars around, or that they leave drama in their wake. But let’s be magnanimous and say that this is the exception and not the rule, and make haste to the case of Jean Jacobs who, as Jean Laconia, first made a video for a Connecticut firm called Real Passion Productions and then went on to film two scenes for Harmony Films and then Vivid, claiming that both were her first scenes ever.

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Regardless of this, Laconia, who has now chosen the name Jean Jacobs, is hot like fire, and isn’t that the point? Tall and taut but also just zaftig enough to appeal to older fans who remember when many porn stars enjoyed eating, Jacobs stars in Greedy Video’s “I Film Myself 7″ (along with equally charming Penny Flame) in a solo scene among solo scenes, the conceit being that each girl has her own camera so that, conceivably, the viewer is shown what turns on the star about herself.

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If you’re like me, you watch a scene like this and are left not caring what her name is, just that she’s there.

Buy the movie here.

Meet the Spinners

Posted on August 15th, 2008 in Amateur,Blowjob,Hardcore by Gram

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Doubtless you’ll be pleased to know that most women in porn are so small that one’s dick always looks big. Furthermore, I have yet to see a porn starlet burst into shrieks at the size of her partner’s schlong. At the very least, they are paid not to burst into shrieks.

But if comparisons are to your liking (without necessarily going into the blatant “big black dicks in tight white holes” thing), you might enjoy Vivid’s “Big Dick Little Jane” series, in which women who fall below five feet (and the gimmick is that there is a measuring stick right there!) are paired with rope-schlonged bruisers. Why it is called “Little Jane” is unclear to me, but understanding things is overrated.

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Here we see Cristina Agave with Chris Charming. Both at first seem utterly disinterested in the other, but then they realize that there is something that brings them together: a paycheck! Romance ensues.

As far as our vaunted industry has come, I doubt we will see a Big Girls/ Small Dicks movie any time soon.

Buy “Big Dick, Little Jane 2″ here
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