Considering that there are women walking around out there, and by “out there” I mean in the world of porn, not just Middle America, whose asses weigh as much as Kristina Rose does all by herself, I think that Elegant Angel is going a little far by titling its newest release Massive Asses 4.

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Surely a better title for the series would have been Shapely, Firm Asses That Look Bigger Than They Are Because of Careful Camera Work. Or possibly Massive Asses Are Way Bigger Than These, But These Are Pretty Nice. I don’t think there’s any way that you can really say Jayden Jaymes has a massive ass, even if you’re not comparing her to truly giant asses

Let’s face it, when you have BBW porn that routinely features women whose asses are bigger around than most porn starlets are tall, you are kind of devaluing the brand by claiming that a 127-pound girl like Austin Taylor has a massive ass. Unless she has no legs, arms or upper torso. That is a different genre of porn entirely.

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Mind you, I do not at all mind watching a movie featuring five Shapely, Firm Asses That Look Bigger Than They Are Because of Careful Camera Work.

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hanna hilton

The Vivid movie “Sugar” (not to be confused with Dave Naz’ Vivid movie “Sugar Town” – both released within a month of each other), is a collection of vignettes written by veteran porniste Paul Thomas and directed by Chuck Lords. Without knowing beforehand that Thomas wrote the movie, there was something about its setups that made me think the movie was trying to be a Golden Age-era porn film that was stuck with today’s performers.

This is not a criticism of Hanna Hilton, whose delicious frame is featured in two scenes, but some of the setups didn’t make sense to me, like the girlfriend wanting to meet her boyfriend’s hooker. Maybe this would have some traction in the 70’s, but in a corporate porn setup it seemed out of place. Only Kelly Wells, who seems like a throwback to the unrestrained but souped-up plain janes common to early-70’s porn seemed at place in the film.

And what does the title “Sugar” mean?

Despite these concerns, watching “Sugar” (and Hanna Hilton, Wells, and Lorena Sanchez, especially) was sweet.

Watch “Sugar” now
Buy “Sugar” now

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As America’s Beloved Porn Journalist and a faithful Gamelink employee, it is my job to humanize the adult industry and make it accessible to you, even as it gets slipperier and slipperier.

The standard agent for making one’s ass shiny for porn titles like “Big Sloppy Asses” is baby oil. Smarter directors wipe the baby oil off before actual sex happens so that the male talent doesn’t take a running jump at the female performer and slide off.

This movie packs much back. In fact, what I at first thought were Jayden James‘ and Alexis Texas‘ ankles under the title are in actuality three more asses.

Also, the initials of this title are those of the Boy Scouts of America. Last I checked, however, there were no merit badges in Ass Slopping.

Watch Big Sloppy Asses here.
Buy Big Sloppy Asses here.

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Audrey Hollander is currently shooting “This Ain’t I Love Lucy” or “Not I Love Lucy XXX” (however Hustler chooses to phrase it) in Porn Valley. When pressed to identify the few actual bombshells in the porn world, Audrey Hollander leaps to mind. If only her husband Otto Bauer weren’t such a stand up guy, I would encourage you to actively hate his guts.

As you can guess, Otto is playing Desi and Audrey will inhabit the role of Lucy. I think that, of all the parodies the big companies have been churning out lately, this one is the most inspired.

The picture you are looking at is a still from an upcoming Hustler Christmas movie, but I am assured that Hollander’s hair is set in the same style for “Lucy.”

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