Lindsay Lohan: Please Make a Porno for Me

Posted on April 1st, 2009 in Celebrity Porn by P. Weasels

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I am not a big celebrity hound, would not be a starfucker if I had a chance to fuck a star, and there aren’t many celebrities that I think would look better naked than the average pornstar. However, I make an exception for Lindsay Lohan. I can’t explain why – I’ve (thankfully) never seen a Lindsay Lohan movie, and couldn’t actually name a Lindsay Lohan movie, except for that Herbie The Love Bug abortion.

I’ve never seen her on TV, either, so I still can’t explain why I want to see Lindsay Lohan doing porn so much.

I mean, Penny Flame in Spunk’d: The Movie should have been enough, right? Or even Paulina James in Lindsay HoHand: Get Out of My Way.

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Turns out no. The recent announcement that Lindsay could still end up in hardcore has stoked my fires afresh.

Herewith, a plea: If you’re going to do it, whoever is in charge of this, do it right.

No Kim Kardashian-style flummery and jiggery-pokery with eight minutes of boring softcore footage stretched out to an hour of boring softcore footage with editing tricks.

No terrible camerawork – don’t let Lindsay hold the camera like Pamela Anderson.

Just make me a nice porn movie, please? Thank you.

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