Disoriented: The round-eye experience in Asian porn

Posted on May 7th, 2009 in Porn Movies by Gram

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When removing from its delicate seaweed packaging Adam & Eve’s Chock Full of Asians 3 a compilation featuring Jandi Lin, Katsuni, Lana Croft, Mika Tan, Mya Luanna, and Tia Tanaka, among others, I was surprised to also see the names Aiden Starr and Cytherea.

They’re not Asian,” I said, checking my vast library of DNA samples.

So I determined to see if there were telltale signs of a cultural divide between the Asian performers and their white devil counterparts.

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Things were lopsided from the beginning. In a scene from Hot Squirts 3, Cytherea and Lily Thai play chefs who don’t seem to do any baking. But they do cover each other in whipped cream.

I was on this set when the movie was shot three years ago, and director Roy Karch was saying, “I called the agency looking for girls who squirted, and she said she could squirt,” he said, referring to Thai. “But she doesn’t squirt at all.”

This is true, though Cytherea squirts enough for the two of them.

Was Cytherea a second class citizen in this movie? Well, yes, in that she did twice the work.

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Next, Tricia Oakes and Aiden Starr join Jandi Lin in a scene from Kylie Ireland’s Bitch & Moan 2 in which the threesome desecrate blowup dolls and each other. But Jandi Lin does not impose her worldview on Starr or Oakes, unless by “impose her worldview on” you mean “fucks” and, in that case, yes, she does impose her worldview on them.

The final scene is one between Katsuni and Sascha. The scene is not from another movie. In fact, it is called “New Scene.” Looks like Katsuni is no longer with her former studio.

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I guess that this movie doesn’t actually say anything about Asians’ relationship with each other or the rest of the world. Adam & Eve even missed the opportunity to call it “Wok Full of Asians.” Porn always surprises me when it shows restraint. (But then, those Asians are mysterious.)

Skeeter Bites: Malaria never looked so good

Posted on April 10th, 2009 in Boobs,Porn Movies by Gram

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At first I was worried that Skeeter Bites was a movie about Skeeter Kerkove, then I relaxed when I saw that it was instead about legal-aged foreigners with small breasts.

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Humming happily along I traveled from Japan to Brazil and back, thinking, “Come to think of it, small boobs have a place in porn that doesn’t have to be creepy. Look at those tan lines!”

Then I got to Thailand.

“Whatever that is,” I thought, inching away, “it has spirit.”

Buy the Skeeter Bites DVD @ Gamelink

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Porn brothels – always better than real brothels

Posted on March 10th, 2009 in Porn Movies by Gram

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Don’t know if you’ve ever been to the Bunny Ranch, but it’s no Kennedy Compound. It’s a collection of trailers joined together in the Nevada hinterlands that would be at home as a set piece to a Mad Max movie. So I sought blessed relief, as I often do, on a porn set.

This one was a company called West Coast Flava’s Brothel Life, an interracial title starring Mr. Marcus and (from right) Jessica Bangkok, Elena Heiress, Alexis Breeze, and newcomer Vanilla Red.

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For motivation, I asked the ladies to look at me like I was a john with no cash.

“Well Duh,” they did not say aloud.

Asa Akira Makes Huevos Porneros

Posted on March 3rd, 2009 in Porn Movies by P. Weasels

There are things you have to accept in porn – the willingness of women to have sex with men who look like the ugly child-molesting jailkeeper in a movie about Turkish prisons, the way the women react to finding out their husbands have been fucking the babysitter, the fact that really hot schoolgirls will get into vans with guys who are clearly potential rapists – and there is nothing you can do about them. There are, however, things that are too outrageous to be tolerated.

Asian pornstar Asa Akira
Buy Erik Everhard’s Beyond The Call Of Booty 3 |
Watch Erik Everhard’s Beyond The Call Of Booty 3

I believe that Asa Akira knows how to make scrambled eggs. I believe that she would get up in the morning and make eggs for Erik Everhard. I even believe that she would only make one egg for him.

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But I do not believe that he would not eat that egg before fucking her silly. What kind of man would not at least demand to be blown while eating the egg, before really getting down to business?

Asa Akira and Erik Everhard

(Images from Erik Everhard’s Beyond The Call Of Booty 3)

Hello Titty 4: Impressive dangrage in any rangrage

Posted on March 2nd, 2009 in Boobs by Gram

Busty Asian Natsuki Lijima
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Sorry about that.

But just look at this single lovely image from Hello Titty 4, a title that seems too harsh for this Asian half-shell Venus whose name I will never know. There is something hard and spheroid about most porn breasts, but these – these – would make Richard Chamberlain straight.