Max Hardcore’s derailed Straight Down the Throat Express

Posted on October 23rd, 2008 in Celebrity Porn,Hardcore by Gram

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Often enough, a porn performer will arrive at a filming location with her little airplane bag fulll of underpants and hair extensions and then be handed a script.

“Half the time I’d walk on a set I’d have no idea what the movie was or that it had dialogue,” Ava Rose once told me. “I only knew it would be a girl or a guy and I’d know what I’d be making for the scene.”

And, because performers’ legs spend so much time in the air in the porn industry, it is easy to believe that schedules are up in the air, too, and oftentimes a cast list can go kerblooey from one day to the next.

So it was that I was told Tuesday that Max Hardcore and Ginger Lynn would be playing John and Cindy McCain in a new Sarah Palin porno being shot in Porn Valley. “Amazing,” I said, America’s Beloved Porn Journalist. “Now that’s news.”

I rescheduled appointments so I could attend this blessed event. The next day I was told that the characters who were to play Palin, the McCains, and two or three other people in their entourage had all been recast in the space of 48 hours due to various porn fuckups.

“Max neglected to tell us that he had a court date on the shooting day,” someone connected with the production told me, which makes no sense to me. But relying on whether or not something makes sense is a foolish measure in the porn business.

It reminds me of other Might Have Been moments, like Buddy Ebsen as the original choice to play George Bailey in “It’s A Wonderful Life.”

Yes, exactly like that.

Carmen Luvana from 2002

Posted on September 9th, 2008 in ass,Boobs,GameLink,Hardcore by Gram

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Now and then we receive compilation DVDs like New Sensations’ “Fantasy All-Stars 8,” featuring everyone from stars-of-the-moment like Ashlynn Brooke, Alexis Texas, and Gianna, veterans along the lines of Jenna Haze and Katie Morgan, and (virtual) retirees like Carmen Luvana, whose scene with Randy Spears from “Carmen Goes to College” is one of the 12 offerings on this two-DVD set.

As you’ve doubtless heard, it’s not as easy selling porn today as it used to be, what with so much of it just being given away on the Internet, so compilations abound, and even if they’re not very good, it’s not like producers have to worry about paying residuals to the performers. Luckily, “Fantasy All-Stars 8″ is worth your cash even if, like many comps, what it doesn’t provide is context.

That said, I’ll make one for you.

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Carmen’s scene was filmed in 2002, a few years before she moved from being the face of New Sensations to being an even more famous contract star for Adam & Eve, from which she (more or less) stepped aside this year. “We’ll see her now and then,” an Adam & Eve source said, “but she needed a break from the adult business.”

So in this compilation we see Luvana between boob jobs and before she became a huge star. Incidentally, we also see Spears in a non-Wicked movie, which would not happen today now that he is exclusive to that company.

This is one of those DVDs that unintentionally provides a snapshot of several generations of porn stars, since turnover in porn is so fast. We see Julia Bond and Lacie Heart (later to be a Vivid and Digital Playground contract player), both no longer in the business, as well as Ava Rose before her own Adam & Eve contract. And, not for nothing, even if Eva Angelina probably has hundreds of scenes “in the can” prior to her impending motherhood this fall, what better time than now to begin hoarding her scenes, too?

Download “Fantasy All-Stars 8″ here.
Buy “Fantasy All-Stars 8″ here.

Of course Ava’s gonna help build a wall

Posted on July 25th, 2008 in Porn People by Gram

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This picture of Angel of the Battlefield Ava Rose ministering to the needs of Marco Banderas in “Hello Nurse!” made me think of an “LP” that I viewed at my grandfather’s house. Ava, Ava, what has become of you?

Rose is no longer an Adam & Eve contract player but we look forward to all her endeavors, especially if they involve solving crimes like the search and rescue of her lost pants.

Does anybody else in here feel the way I do?

Also attending to the sick in this movie is Annette Schwarz. The saucy German was probably indifferent to Pink Floyd’s postwar England subject matter.

Buy “Hello Nurse” here.

Are you ready for the Summer Slowdown?

Rollerdollz with Bree Olson, Sunny Lane, and Ava Rose

Most (if not all) of the big movies that will compete for January’s AVN awards have already been filmed in anticipation of the San Fernando Valley’s cruel, cruel summer. “Pirates II” just wrapped and is in the early stages of its massive (for porn) post-production and Adam & Eve has three contenders in the works, “Rollerdollz” (pictured) and the “Indiana Jones” pornody (I just invented that word) “Carolina Jones,” not to mention “Dark City.”

Traditionally the big studios slow down production in the summer for two big reasons: sales are usually down in California stores and e-tailers due to the heat and, also due to the heat, shooting is sometimes unbearable.

That is not to say shooting is not done in the Valley in summer, and that people don’t work hard. Last July Jack Lawrence shot a movie in Woodland Hills on the hottest day of the year. “The temperature was 119 degrees,” he said. “Evan Stone put on a fig leaf and climbed through the trees to entertain the people fucking outside.”

This is how you know that porn is a job – people who are already fucking still need to be entertained.

Hustler’s “Night Shift Nurses – Escort Service” was filmed on the hottest day of 2006. I was there that day, and people were sticking to the surfaces they were getting mounted on, like fleshy museum exhibits. It almost put me off porn.

Another practical reason for a summer slowdown is AVN. The deadline for submitting films for AVN nominations is the last day of September, so savvy companies get their principal photography done early.

That is not to say that people don’t get things done at the last minute. One future-themed movie that picked up a lot of AVN awards this year was delivered to AVN at about 3 p.m. on the day of the deadline, having been overnighted back and forth from New York to the San Fernando Valley for processing.

So as you peruse Gamelink’s massive libraries (and jugs) for movie choices, keep in mind during the coming heat wave and rolling blackouts that porn stars have sex early and often so that when they collapse, exhausted, you’ll be ready to go.

Ron and Sunny ponder skating

Posted on March 27th, 2008 in Porn Movies,Porn People,Porn Thoughts,Pornstars by Gram

ron jeremy and sunny lane
It is a noble cause to make a porn movie about something other than having sex. In the case of Adam and Eve’s upcoming “Rollerdollz”, that something is skating. And director James Avalon recruited actual skaters like Sunny Lane to flesh out the cast, which also includes Adam & Eve contract stars Ava Rose, Bree Olson, and Kayden Kross.

See? I said “flesh” and it meant something.

Ron Jeremy has once again been cast in an elder statesman role. People who say that porn has no place for the aged just don’t watch enough of it.