John Holmes Loved L.A.

Posted on June 17th, 2009 in Porn Movies by Gram

Buy “I Love L.A.” on DVD

“Sometimes I come up here just to get a load of the view,” muses John Holmes on a Hollywood hilltop in I Love L.A. a late-period, post-jail effort that casts Holmes as the omniscient observer of the sex lives of several mortals in the Valley below.

Holmes died from AIDS-related complications in 1988, one year after this movie was released, and he plays the narrator with all the confidence of his younger years. Still, he doesn’t look healthy. And this corruption seems apt for the 80′s-style tales in the movie, each smelling like a porn “Love Boat” in their campiness and overlapping storylines.

In one, a doctor seduces a secretary (Shaun Michelle) with a “special powder” he sprinkles on a flower. Then the secretary quits, goes home, and shows a prank caller that she can talk dirty right back, using Crystal Breeze as a lab partner.

Then we meet lecherous boss Harry Reems (Deep Throat), who instructs his secretaries (again with the secretaries), that “how far you go in the company depends on how far you go in my office.” I long for those times. The secretary and her cohorts then quit.

With Holmes providing the wraparounds in various locations around L.A., the movie comes together cleverly and gets an A for effort until the very end, when Holmes appears in a scene with the delicious Amber Lynn that was clearly shot years before. In the outro, Holmes says, “Now you may be wondering how all this relates to you” and then chuckles and walks away, leaving the credits to roll on the backdrop of a tree. I don’t get it.

Holmes’ company, Penguin Productions (partially financed by Wonderland-era drug lord Eddie Nash), produced this movie, so the occasional moments of hubris can be credited to Holmes’ lack of objectivity. But I Love L.A. is a fun movie, and also a sad one, knowing what we know now. Finally, it is a sign of its times, where bosses still harass their secretaries but the seretaries know they have the option to walk out, their hairy vaginas uncomfortable with the sudden movement.

I Love L.A. is part of the 2-disc John Holmes Collection 2, released by Adam & Eve and also featuring Saturday Night Beaver and Rockey X.

“Suzie Superstar” and the price of fame

Posted on February 3rd, 2009 in GameLink by Gram

Fresh-faced Shana Grant starred in “Suzie Superstar” when she was 20 years old. The movie was released in 1984.

I wondered where Shana Grant was, what she might be up to now, and was horrified to read that she killed herself soon after the movie hit shelves, the biggest movie of her short career and an excellent example of early-80′s earnest, feel-good porn.

I looked at it again to see if there was anything in the movie that might be a clue. But it’s just a sweet caper film.

Buy “Suzie Superstar” now.

John Holmes pounds sand, Leslie Bovee

Posted on February 3rd, 2009 in Pornstars by Gram

Like Harrison Ford taking a break from “Indiana Jones” and playing exactly the same character, albeit sans hat, in the Jack Ryan movies, John Holmes in the late 70′s left off Johnny Wadd – but not really – to inhabit the role of a sleuthing Lothario-cum-insurance man in “Eruption,” shot in Hawaii.

Holmes was particularly fond of short brunettes, and Leslie Bovee fits the bill. In fact, it is only brunettes to whom Holmes bestows anything more than a blowjob in this movie, and the opening scene is a marvel of grace under pressure, as anyone who has ever tried to have sex on a beach knows.

Shot in 1978, “Eruption” showcases Holmes’ acting, which was not bad, and his easy rapport with ladies game enough to try to accommodate 13 inches of semi-erect pre-cocaine Holmes.

Buy “Eruption” now

This Is What Life Was Like in the Seventies

Posted on June 25th, 2008 in Porn for Women,Porn Thoughts by P. Weasels

This kind of thing worked. You kids these days, you don’t understand.

Is It Vintage Porn Yet?

Posted on June 19th, 2008 in Pornstars by P. Weasels

Maybe, maybe not. There’s a line somewhere in the seventies – probably around ’74 or so – that separates vintage porn from modern. Hyapatia Lee is pretty solidly on the modern side, but as time marches on, the line may march with it. For now, I still think of her as a modern girl – she was around when I first started watching porn – and so I still remember her as part of my generation. Do you?

Check out Luke Ford’s interview with her and maybe go buy her book. Be her friend on MySpace – she might like to hear from you.

Hyapatia Lee

Watch Hyapatia Lee movies at