Where Everybody Knows Joel Lawrence’s Name

Posted on September 15th, 2009 in Porn Movies by Gram

On the set of New Sensations Cheers An XXX Parody

Joel Lawrence has performed in about 1500 porn scenes since he got into the business in 1990 at age 26. His first appearance on Gamelink was 1993′s Guttman’s Paris Vacation, in which he costars with title character (of course) Ron Jeremy. (It’s odd to think that Jeremy has been playing a caricature of himself for 16 years).

Now Lawrence, who runs one of Porn Valley’s talent agencies and rarely performs, is playing Sam in New Sensations‘ upcomming Cheers: An XXX Parody opposite Mr. Pete as Woody, former Vivid girl Monique Alexander as Diane and, in some inspired casting, Evan Stone as Cliff.

But, like in another remake, Battlestar Galactica, Lawrence reminds us that “this has all happened before, and it will happen again.”

“I was in a Cheers parody in 1994,” Lawrence said on the set.

What was it called?

“I don’t remember.”

Porn performers rarely see their own movies (it’s not like the studio will courier one over once the DVD is pressed) and, with 1500 titles literally under his belt, Lawrence can be forgiven for not knowing the title. I can’t find any mention of it anywhere, either.

“But I played Woody and I think Herschel Savage was Sam,” Lawrence said.

Monique Alexander on the set of New Sensations Cheers - An XXX Parody

With the glut of porn parodies coming out – and New Sensations is releasing at least one a month – it is easy to forget that parodies have long been part of Porn Valley’s output. Still, appearing as two different characters in parodies of the same show 15 years apart is pretty impressive.

Maybe, in 2024, Lawrence will get to play Coach.

Too Bad That This Ain’t Star Trek XXX

Posted on April 3rd, 2009 in Porn Movies by P. Weasels

There are very few parody movies that I look forward to seeing; in fact, the upcoming This Ain’t Star Trek XXX, one of the overwhelming flood of XXX parodies that have issued from the gaping Hustler maw in the last couple of years, ever since Not the Bradys XXX and Not Three’s Company XXX failed to earn a swift and deadly lawsuit, is going to be the first.

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For one thing, Evan Stone has basically spent his entire porn career playing James T. Kirk, and it will be nice to see him having the opportunity to do it in an actual Star Trek parody. For another, I’m curious to see if Hustler can tastefully handle the character of Sulu – or, rather, curious to see how untastefully they handle the character of Sulu – who, as we all know now, was a fancy-lad of the first degree. It will also be interesting to see an Asian guy in a mainstream porn movie. Well done, Hustler – breaking yet another taboo.

One question: will they bill his scene as interracial?

Porn is Getting Too Meta For Me

Posted on March 30th, 2009 in Porn Movies by P. Weasels

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See if you can keep this straight. Kim Kardashian is the daughter of someone who became famous for being on the legal team employed by a man who was actually famous as a sports star. Her father, the late Robert Kardashian, is, well, late.

Kim Kardashian vaulted to prominence as a result of the release of the worst celebrity sex tape ever, riding the coattails of her friend Paris Hilton and the cock of her boyfriend Ray J, who is still not famous at all, in spite of plenty of chances. Kim and her admittedly almost inhumanly spectacular ass, reasonably nice tits and pretty but forgettable face were awarded, on the strength of her relationships with famous people – that is, descended from and next to them – a reality show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, that has brought the rest of her family into the public eye.

Kim Kardashian is now going to be portrayed, in a porn parody of that show called Keeping It Up With The KardASSians, by Veronica Rayne, a woman who has been in porn for six years – longer than Kim Kardashian has been a “celebrity” – and is now getting press in mainstream outlets for her portrayal of the celebutard.

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So Veronica Rayne, porn star, is now getting noticed by the mainstream media for playing the part of someone who is only famous because she has a big ass and a sex tape.

Who, then, will play the part of Veronica Rayne in the upcoming mainstream biopic about Kim Kardashian and her life, in which she meets the woman playing her in the porn movie version of her life?

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Porn Always Comes to Those Who Wait: Not the Cosbys XXX

Posted on March 27th, 2009 in Porn Movies by P. Weasels

Remember Lisa Bonet? Of course you do. As the hot girl on the Cosby Show, she was the reason to watch, unless you counted Bill Cosby.

I do not mean to exclude Phylicia Rashad, but Moms have only been sexy since about 1995, when the term MILF was coined to describe the swelling demographic, much like “Baby Boomers” a generation before.

I do mean to exclude Tempest Bledsoe and Keshia Knight Pulliam, who were underage and therefore not sexy. No, only Denise Huxtable was in the correct demographic, was suitable fantasy material for the growing boy on that show, and many were the times you thought about her, especially after that scene where she was naked in that voodoo movie.

Your fantasies were better, though. Why has it taken so long – nearly twenty years – for someone to do as Cosby Show porn parody?

Two Reasons to Watch – Plus Some Porn Stars

Posted on March 20th, 2009 in Porn Movies,Pornstars by admin

In an event some around the office are calling “miraculous” and “impossible to believe”, two funny porn comedies landed on my desk this week. They are New Sensations’ The Office – A XXX Parody and Wicked’s Whack Job. I can’t reveal why they are funny, but I can show you pictures of two of the funniest moments and then you can go see for yourself. Of course, you are also going to want to see some naked people fucking, so to entice you, I will also show you some pictures of naked people fucking. Can you guess what is happening in this picture from Whack Job, or why it’s funny?

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Probably not, but to soothe you, here is a picture of Roxy DeVille about to be penetrated by Tommy Gunn. This isn’t funny.

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It’s a little more likely that you could guess what is happening in this frame from The Office

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But if you can’t, soothe your thinking bone with another picture of fucking – this time it’s Faye Reagan going after Gianna Michaels with a strapon and a big dildo.

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Now go and watch the whole thing. Both of them.